The dream

The memories which continues to haunt me,

To saddened me, to troubled me

Thought I had erased it, thought I had forgotten,

But still it appears as my dreams.

Once it was a pleasant dream,

But now it is a dream which I do not want to remember

Those bitter sweet memories of my past,

Though I had my moment during those times,

But now I don’t want to think about it

As it continues to hurt me,

As my heart still aches for it.

Even though I console myself by saying, “It’s okay, every story has its end.”

It still continues to hurt me sometimes.

Even though I have learned to live with the pain,

I don’t want to feel this anymore

This memories, this dreams, I want it to fade away,

As I don’t want to recollect it anymore

Like a dry leaf trampled and blown away by wind,

I want these memories to fade away

Away from my mind and my heart

So that I can see fresh dreams again.

Words

She always says “Be strong, just have the will to endure little bit more, everything will be all right”.
He taught me “Don’t depend on others, what you can do, do it by yourself, the pleasure is more fun when you do your own work by yourself “.

When someone hurt me, she said “Don’t worry, believe in humanity and never hurt others. Don’t get swayed away from humanity as God is always there for us.”
When i get tired from my life, he said “Your will power and your motivation is your strength, you can do it”.

When I say, i miss home, she said,”We are there for you always, why do you need to miss home, just focus on your work, we are here and our home is still here. When you come back, i will cook good food for you.”
When I wanted to give up, he always tell me, “It’s okay, you will do it next time, i believe in you.”

When I am worried about my unseen future, he says, “Don’t worry, There must be something good store ahead for my daughter, everything will happen at right time”.
When i accomplished a small thing, she says,”See, your hard work pays off, there is nothing better than doing your best, continue to strive for better.”

When my uncle passed away and when i cried, she said, “its okay, even though it hurt for now, what can else we do, his time here is over and he had to go, leaving us. This is what getting old means, someday i have to go also.”
When ever we go out or have vacation, he always say, “Take pictures, seize the moment as photos, this are the memories that we will always remember”.

These are the  words from my most important person in my life. Simple words but it contains all what i need to know to go through my life.
For all these years, i grew up listening and remembering this words, helping me to be strong and independent.

I recollect this words when i am struggling,
when i want to give up,
when things are not going well.

They have always been there in my walk of my life.
Who I am right now, what I am doing right now, its because of them.
The two most opposite people that i have ever met , but taught me everything.
My parents. I am really blessed to have them.

Wave of Innocence

You may pity me, but I am happy here
As I am laughing to my heart’s content
You may think, I don’t have anything,
but I belong here,
You may feel sad for me,
But I am playing freely here without any bondage
on the lap of my green mother nature.

I wake up with the sound of chirping birds
when the first sun rays fall on my face
not by the sound of something else.

I am not envious of big buildings or fancy places
as I don’t want to get immersed in the world of temptations and greed
as I still want to keep the child inside me alive.

I can climb to nearby mountains whenever I want
so that I could scream and shout there
and says to myself that I am on the top of world

I can sit there whole day,
watching the shepherd bringing their herds for grazing
people working on the green fields
my friends playing in the muddy water and pitches
with the sound of giggling voices of happiness.

I can stay here forever
encapsulated in the calm and serenity milieu
with no thoughts of hatred and fighting
sharing the little whatever we have
with my own people.

I don’t want to lose my innocence over the daily struggles of our life
as these trifling things continue to exist
as both pain and happiness are the sides of a same coin

I don’t want to lose my bright smile when I grow up
I just want to be myself like how I am now,
watching the shapes that those fluffy cloud makes,
lying here on the carpet of soft green grass.

And when evening come and sun has set down beyond the horizon
when flocks of birds gather together and fly back towards their home,
I will also go home with my arms wide open
with my friends to my lovely parents who will be waiting for me.

I will be in the arms of my loving parents
and this is where my home is,
My abode where I love to stay till I grow old.

So, don’t feel sorry for me, as I am happy here.

* The above post is inspired by a small child living in a conflict area in a small village where he was playing happily without any thoughts of worries and tensions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let it Go

Sometimes letting go of some things is the most  difficult task
More than anything it is one of the hardest thing

Letting go of our anger,
Letting go of our grudges against someone,
Letting go of our comfort zone,
To let go of our dreams, our hope, our confidence,
The dreams that we had seen, which we hold dearly to our heart with all the minute hope and perseverance that we had;
Letting go of the person whom we love the most
Letting go of all the memories which were once the best ones in our life
Letting  go of all the things that we had once treasured the most.
Letting go of the bad times that one had endured, the tears that you had shed once

For once in our life, some moments come in which one need to be brave
And have the courage to  be able to give up
To let it go and start new again.

So that you can have the strength again to stand up
to be able to face the world,
to smile again, to endure again,
to regain the lost confidence,
to love again,
to realized that it does not meant the end of everything
instead  it means the start of something new and beautiful;
to end the bad dreams we had seen ,
So that only fresh dreams will be there again.

I do hope I can also get up and let go of my pain,
So that I could start fresh again.

‘Call Out My Name’

I was talking to my father about my day to day happenings over the phone. He was telling me about my family, about my grandpa, how he had become weak now since he is old. He was talking about the weather at home, about the food that my mom is cooking. I was telling my own story to him about my lab work. It was just a normal talk.

After I kept the phone, as I was walking back to my hostel, I started thinking about my grandpa and my family. I started to think about my talks with my grandpa, I started to recollect certain memories from my child hood days. How I used to play around with my father and my uncles. My father words of wisdom and advice, which I could not understand at that moment, I started to think about it.

My father is a jolly person, who loves to smile, treasure memories and is an enthusiastic planner. All my relatives from both my father’s and my mother’s side looked up to him even for advices, whether it’s about building house, or for a traveling tip, or for money matters, Everyone will call him and asked “Chaoba, what should I do about this?, will this be better or that be better ? ” He would always give his suggestions in whatever he can. Even now when I am faced with serious problems or worries, he is the first person I go to. Sometimes, I want him to be physically next to me, even though we converse everyday through phone, it is during this day like today when I miss him that I remember his words,  the pranks he had played and made me smile.

It’s his words that I remember so vividly when I was still a young child. Certain evenings, when the sun has set down and the twilight have started to glow at the sky, my father after returning from his tiring day at office, would sit outside the verandah with his cup of tea. My mother, my youngest uncle, sometimes my grandpa, my neighbor uncle would give him company. They would be sitting enjoying the cool breeze. They used to talk about their day happenings, about politics, about everything and sometimes cracking jokes and laughing together.

Since I was young, I cannot understand anything of it. I used to get tired of listening to it and sometimes would want to go inside the house for some reasons. Even though there are lights outside the verandah and porch, since its getting dark, I used to get scared to go inside the house alone and moreover everyone was outside. I did not want to go inside alone as I was scared of dark. Whenever, I wanted to go inside the house, I would stop their conversations and would call out my father to come with me. He will just look at me smile and won’t even budge from his seat. When he did not get up, I would pull his shirt to let him get up from his seat. But he would reply saying “I am also scared, I don’t want to go inside”. His reply used to make me more annoyed. But still he would be laughing and would say “Just go inside nothing is there, if you are scared, just call out my name. Just say ‘Chaoba’ and go inside, nothing will happen. Even if ghosts are there, they will be scared of my name.” But annoyed and angrily, I continue to throw tantrums and would let him to at least stand at the main door. I would go inside the room and come back fast as I can. When I come running outside, he would ask “nothing happened right? Was something there? No right, then why are you so scared? ”. But I used to reply back angrily saying ‘I am scared means, I am scared’ with an annoyed face.

Since I was young at that time, I cannot understand why he used to do that to me and instead I would get angry. But now I am getting to understand his motive. He wanted me to be brave; he wanted me to face my own fears and wanted me to overcome my own weakness by myself so that I could face the storms of my life later on. He was teaching me life lessons to me, so that i won’t be scared of small things.

Sometimes when I am faced with my own worries, when I want to overcome my own weakness,  when I think about my life, I remember his words ‘just call out my name, nothing will happen’. And now I do realized that his words were right, nothing happened to me as long as I think about him because I knew he is here with me.

Even though i say to myself i am strong and independent, there are times when i want him to be with me and when i get scared, I want to call out his name, And when I call out his name,

I do feel secure; I do feel that he is next to me. Even though I cannot ascertain the hidden meanings of those words when I was a child, now when I call out his name-

I find my troubles go away,

My worries fade away,

I feel l can do anything,

I feel he is right here next to me.

I don’t feel scared of the dark anymore, when I think about him.

Now I feel I can venture into my uncertainty future, and leave my worries aside.

Now I feel can go inside the dark room of my house again, if I just call out my father’s name again.

People and me

I am surrounded by people Who

Wakes me up from my bad dreams
Points out my weakness and tells me to work on it
Bring me my dinner when i fall asleep
Tends me like my mother when i fall sick
Understand my grumpiness and tolerate me
Tells me inspirational stories when i feel low
Listens to my irritating complaints without any reluctance
Makes tea for me, when I am really tired and need it badly
Accepts my clumsy behavior.

I am surrounded by people Who

Prays with me when I lose someone I love
Makes me to believe in the power of prayers
Picks me up when I don’t feel like walking
Assures me that everything will be all right when things are not right;
Makes me laugh when I come back from my long tiring lab work
Cheers me up if I accomplished even a small thing
Makes me feel at home, even though i am far away from my home.

In every way, I am blessed by this people,
People who are close to my heart, who makes me into a better person.

Someday, these people and I will go in different ways
They will be busy with their lives; I will be busy with my own life,
But when I looked back later on,
I will have this memories.

Memories of this wonderful people,
Having a good laugh under the dark sky studded with  twinkling stars
With the half moon shining upon us;
And the cool breeze giving us company to our talks;
Talking about everything and laughing like a mad person.

It is this memories which matters the most,
And I am really blessed to have them.

 

Imperfections

He danced up there on the stage,

Glowing with confidence with his precise moon walk steps.

The gestures of his hand synchronizing with his accurate footsteps,

Mesmerizing everyone in the auditorium.

The crowd was cheering for him, giving him the applause for his feat,

Shouting and praising him.

But sadly, he cannot hear the cheering crowds and the applause,

Not without his hearing aid.

His friends wave their hands on the air as a sign of applause for his dance,

As he cannot hear those beautiful words.

But still, he went up there with his confidence,

Not letting his imperfections to hinder him from showing his talent to the world,

Not letting himself to be discouraged, from doing the things he was good at.

He was brave, was not scared and was strong.

And he left me an imprint on my heart,

Not to let my fear and imperfections rule me anymore,

After all, no one is perfect ,

As, one is unique in their own way.